Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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