we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
