I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
