I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
