On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
