that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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