I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
