bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There's always time for handjobs
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
