That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
