Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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