I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
