Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
