just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
