I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
