well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
