I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
