His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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