the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
