Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
