Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
