I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i need some magic done to my vagina
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
