One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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