Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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