This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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