using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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