he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
