Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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