i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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