I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
40s are totally the cure
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
