If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
