I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
