I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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