meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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