I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
