remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
