Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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