this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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