He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he fucked my hip out of place.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
