$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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