A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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