Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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