I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
