apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
