i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
