Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he shaved USA in his pubs
She announced her abortion via fbk
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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