...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
