I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I AM VODKA MAN
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
