3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
