Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
