even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
