hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
