Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
