My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
