she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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